Ahhh… the when to have sex question. I think that I’m starting to think that there are two types of people out there and, depending on how they answer the following question, they will have sex on 1) the first date or 2) sometime (at least two dates?) after:
Would you have sex with every guy/girl you made out with?
I’m inclined to answer yes to this question because I don’t just make out with total randoms and I pretty much see sex as an extension of making out. I mean, early on anyway, before all that emotional stuff develops. I think that if you answer yes to this question, you are much more likely to have sex on the first date. This is, of course, barring something weird and awkward and lacking a goodnight kiss. (Actually, it doesn’t even have to be weird and awkward. The other thing that might prevent sex on the first date is sobriety.)
That said, I have plenty of friends, some of whom I suspect would also answer yes to the question above, who have a patent rule about not having sex on the first date. Or several dates thereafter. And while I’m generally opposed to any sort of game playing, these games do seem to work out for them.
My verdict (as I suspect it will be in much of this blog [which won't make for a very interesting blog]) is to go with your gut. There’s nothing wrong with doing it (yes, I said that) on the first date. The guy won’t think you’re a slut, and if he does then he sucks anyway (if you’re a guy, the girl will just think you’re being a guy, which is not that bad. It’s kind of like a mental eye roll). Move on and find someone who likes to have as much sex as you do. And if you don’t feel comfortable with having sex on the first date, don’t do it! Tell the person what your reasons are (or whatever you feel comfortable telling him/her, because really, “no” is good enough–there is no need for long explanations) and if s/he doesn’t respect it, then s/he sucks as well. If you think before the date even happens that you don’t want to have sex because of your own morals, maybe try a midweek date. A midweek date allows for an early departure (even if you’re having fun!) and generally involves less alcohol.
On a side note, I know plenty of girls (and have done this myself) who try to go out with a(n admittedly weak) chastity belt on. Not any sort of real belt, mind you, but a metaphorical one that is manifested in not having shaved in a few days. The thought is, “I don’t want him to see me hairy, so if I don’t shave, the pants aren’t coming off.” In my experience, this doesn’t work. This merely leaves you naked and hairy. But it’s ok, because I think guys don’t notice (or don’t say anything). I imagine that they’re pretty caught up in the getting to see you naked part.
Anyway, in a nutshell, go with the flow. Try not to get too wasted and stay true to yourself. Always, always, always.
Sex on the first date? Absolutely. If you are an adult that is. This blog really doesn’t apply to the teenage set. There may be a few caveats with this: 1) you want to have sex but realize on this first date this person probably won’t be a “keeper” 2)you want to have sex but realize the person isn’t a keeper and may be kind of crazy/difficult to get rid of. As with everything, assess risks accordingly.