Last weekend I went back to the place from which I came to hang out with some friends, go to a wedding, and have my heart shattered. I’m not going to get into it here, because frankly, the margaritas beforehand, the scotch during, and the overwhelming emotion throughout, have blurred the exact details anyway. Suffice it to say that I said pretty much everything I’ve been thinking over the past months–most of it fair, some of it below the belt jabs–but all of it true. And, as the whole thing was playing out–hell, before it even happened–I realized that it was over.
Zoom forward to today–I was walking the dog, listening to my “Happy” playlist and “Signed, Sealed, Delivered” came on. Let me preface this by saying that I am the type of person that can listen to a song hundreds of times without ever really paying attention to the lyrics. Today I happened to pay attention and I thought, “Wow, this song is kind of like how I was feeling going into seeing my ex, except it sounds happy and I was sobbing.” Listen to the song to better understand the situation. Anyway, not surprisingly, I got shot down and it hurt, badly, but it was the kick in the ass I needed to get on with my life in my new city. (In all fairness to him, he handled everything like a champ. He’s a good guy.)
I got back here and have been making it my mission to get the fuck out of my house and hang out. Luckily, I have fallen into a group of really rad girls who listened to my sob story, which generally ends with, “I really need to make out with someone badly or I’m going to go insane.” They stepped up to the plate immediately, with at least four different possible makeout buddies. Some of these are guys I’m friends with (or starting to be friends with), so that’s tricky. I don’t want to get into anything serious and I need them to be cool with just hanging out, so I don’t want to fuck up any friendships. But anyway, I’ve now taken a really long time to get to the point of this post. One of these guys, it turns out, has a profile on eHarmony.com. You know, the one with all the commercials where nerdy (but happy) couples talk about how the spark was immediate and long-lasting and how they’ve hooked up several friends and family members through the magic of the interweb. The people depicted in these ads do not look like people I want to date and they’ve also been accused of being homophobic (not the people in the ads, the company), so in my forays into online dating, I have never even considered an ad here. But here’s the kicker, this guy I know with an eHarmony ad is hot. Like, he used to be a model hot. And apparently he dates models that he meets there. I’ve never seen them, but giving them the benefit of the doubt as models, I’m going to guess that they’re pretty hot too.
Is there some pocket of hotness on eHarmony that I was totally unaware of??? And how come the eHarmony folks have not caught on to this and exploited it in advertising?
The only thing that I can think of is that they’re a “serious” site, with all their “scientific” matching of personality traits and whatnot and so they don’t want to jump on the “we have lots of attractive people here” bandwagon. But maybe they should, because I would have never in a million years thought to go trolling for guys on their site.
***UPDATE*** I’ve decided to get on eHarmony just to see if there are lots of attractive people and they aren’t kidding around with this questionnaire!!! I think it’s taken me at least half an hour to fill it out and I’m still not done!
***UPDATE 2***You have to join (i.e. pay money) to see people’s pictures, but the first guy they matched my profile to actually seems really awesome! Who would’ve thunk it??? Ok, the second guy seems like not such a good match. Third guy looks ok. All of these dudes are white, and I specifically said that I would date non-white guys (but also said that race wasn’t important). Hmm.. this is an interesting experiment that I don’t have enough time to fully explore right this minute. I’m going to try meeting some dudes the “normal” way, but I might keep this eHarmony thing in my back pocket for times of desperation…
